she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
