I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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