Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
