Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
