Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
