Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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