I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
