Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
