I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
