wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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