Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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