I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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