hotel room ftw
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
