yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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