Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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