gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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