You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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