If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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