Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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