Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
