Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
