Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
