even my farts smell like vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
