hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
