so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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