Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
