I'm laying in your front yard are you home
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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