Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
