my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
