You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
