yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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