After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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