She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
