So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
