omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
