sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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