I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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