So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
