Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
