I think I am morally bankrupt
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
