Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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