It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
