I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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