i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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