i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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