There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
