i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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