it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
