my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Randomize
