upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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