i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
