u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
