You really coming over, don't trick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
