I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
