I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
