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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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