life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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