I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
