Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
