Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
