i permit you to call me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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