Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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