i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
