my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
