you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
