he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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