Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
