i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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