i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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